He uses a wheelchair. Help me not be an idiot. August 15, 5: He is super funny and smart and super hot. I have never dated someone who uses a wheelchair.
In fact, I've never even known someone who uses a wheelchair. Help me not screw it up! Obviously, I feel like the number one thing is treat him like a regular human being, because duh. Things like "don't grab the chair" and "don't try to help unless asked" and "don't say 'what happened to you?
I do not know why he uses the chair. I am almost certainly putting the cart before the horse, but in a situation with romantic potential there is the possibility eventuality, if things go well of sex. Things to keep in mind regarding approaching Dating a person in a wheelchair topic of sex and the logistics thereof would also be greatly appreciated. I have an older cousin who uses a wheelchair and at some point I realized that I'd bend down to talk to her, like you would with a little kid.
She was kind enough not to say anything about it, but I'm sure it must have felt pretty infantilizing. I cut it out after becoming aware of it. Did you see this post on the blue? Make sure that if you suggest a date it is fully wheelchair friendly - wide spaces between the tables, no floor height differentials, handicapped bathrooms.
Most people who use wheelchairs are more than happy to share with you the reasons they're chair-bound, once you get to know them. My sister is disabled and she says she knows everyone has some measure of curiosity about it. It's polite and tactful not to ask, though, as it makes it seem like 'getting to know your disability' rather than getting to know the person. Seconds on not bending over the chair; it's disconcerting, I am told.
It's nice, on dates, if you can do something where for some part of the time you are both seated because it helps with eye contact. Just have fun and if it does get to sexy-times kind of fun, either he will have his own methods and strategies or you'll get to make some up together. Finally, from my sister's lips to your ears "Don't try to pretend his disability doesn't exist or is completely taboo to discuss or mention.
It's a part of his life, all the time. I have a close friend who's a wheelchair user from a spinal cord injury. Sounds like you're on your way by thinking of ways to make hanging out be about getting to know him, not whatever disabilities he may have. Rolling Around In My Head is a great blog to get some sense of how people often treat men with disabilities in a weirdly infantilizing way- may raise your awareness in a good way.
Til you know his situation better, I think letting him take the lead on logistics will help, as he might be gently steering the timeline to manage physical needs without having to talk about them directly for instance getting home before an aide arrives, or getting to a good restroom in time to be comfortable. So just casually let him choose the venue, defer to him on the date's duration, and pay attention if he directs you in little things like how to navigate doorways and elevators together- for instance, my friend will tell people "after you" at a door or elevator, because he wants to be able to see them so he doesn't whack their ankles with his but a lot of people want him to go ahead of them, which causes tiny politeness tussles.
So I guess try to notice if he's gently directing you to do something, he knows "Dating a person in a wheelchair" how the logistics work.